The Writing of Neglected Damaged Graced
I'm a psychotherapist that has been working in the mental health field treating anxiety, depression, addiction and trauma for nearly 4 decades. "Neglected, Damaged, Graced" is my 4th book. The first two books “ADDICTION: Why They Use (A Handbook for Anyone that Loves an Alcoholic or Addict)” and “ADDICTION: Am I Powerless (Self-Assessing, a User’s Guide to the Truth)” were obviously focused on the scourge of addiction. My 3rd book “The Pacification of Humanity: Exposing the Ideological Contagions” was focused on addressing the problems of Propaganda, Indoctrination and Media bias in society. It teaches the reader methods to avoid self and other-deception. It helps the reader decode these forms of social messaging by exposing hidden political agendas and self-serving motivations.
"Neglected Damaged Grace; Scars on the Inside" is my story. After years of being urged by friends to tell it and years of me thinking it was a little too self-indulgent, I began to consider the possible value it might hold for others with difficult childhood experiences. After nearly 4 decades of treating trauma it suddenly seemed obvious that my having survived all that I had was only made possible by the Grace of caring people that I came in contact with along the way. When I speak of Grace I'm not speaking of a religious Grace. I talking about the kind of Grace that made all the good parts of religion possible.
Writing “NDG” was hard. In order to do it I had to go back and relive all the hurt stuff; moment by moment in tortuous slow-motion detail. I started writing it a month before COVID hit and then I was locked down with my past and all the cast of characters involved. It was so overwhelming at times that I would just stand up from the computer feeling like I had to barf, cry or break something. Sometimes the sense of impending doom got so bad that I just had to halt my progress and leave it alone for days at a time.
The process of uncovering the minute details of the neglect and abuse exposed the structure of the damage and wounds inside of me. It showed me scars that I had hidden away; scars I once thought were fully healed. The self-dissection process I put myself through was akin to having an overly aggressive therapist pick apart every gory detail of every event of the past without concern for the emotional reaction it might cause.
Having worked on my damage for a lifetime I thought I had exhausted all the secrets; I hadn’t. As I look back now I’m not sure anyone with my professional experience in trauma has ever done a personal emotional inventory (autopsy) of this kind. I've read a lot and I know I’ve never read anything that has gone this deep into a traumatic past. I know I wouldn’t subject a client to this level of introspection because I don’t think this level of detail is necessary to heal but this book isn't about my healing. It's about uncovering the nature of emotional damage.
What did occur was revolutionary. Opening the wounds this wide meant opening myself up to more growth than I ever thought possible. I could either keep that angry child hidden away like the damage wanted or I could free him completely by filling those wounds with my own Grace while they were exposed. The good news is I did the loving thing and it worked. Not only did it work, but it also revealed some of the hidden secrets to emotional healing that I'm not sure the mental health field is fully aware of yet.
While writing NDG there were several mass shootings in the news. As I profiled the perpetrators it became very clear that my wounds were not unique. It was suddenly obvious that my experiences should have made me one of them because I was just like them, maybe worse. In truth, my wounds demanded that I respond to society just like they have. As I looked back along the story of my life to figure out why I didn't become one of them the only obvious factor I could find was that a form of unconditional Grace was gifted to me by people who really had no idea how vital their loving acts were for me to persevere. Through this process, I've become convinced that I was only spared a horrific end simply because there were good people in the world that weren't afraid to extend themselves. I got enough love and Grace at key moments to alter the unnatural progression that should have been a tragic end.
These revelations have inspired me to love and give even more of myself. I'm determined to continue my work helping people like me not become people like them. I want you to join me. This book is my invitation to you.
Sincerely
Emmanuel S. John
I would love to hear from you after reading the book. Not because I need the validation but because the world needs us all to try harder; to be more interactive. I know with every fiber of my being that someone out there needs your moments of Grace just like I did. To those people both present and past, THANK YOU!!!)